it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
