do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
