I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We need to get me chipped asap
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
