he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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