i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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