I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
