fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
well you can't waste a boner
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
