so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
false alarm. still invincible.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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