sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
