I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
