I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
