Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
