Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
