As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
