Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
