"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
