Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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