this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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