it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
