Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
