You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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