So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
