I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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