i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
