he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
