I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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