youre lurking in front of me
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
