ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
