Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just want nice things and good sex
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
