Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
there was a trapeze. enough said
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
