Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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