I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
