I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
