I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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