Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
