You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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