I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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