I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
