Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
