im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
