Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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