I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
