The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
