I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
