There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
