kristin has been a bad kristin
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
