I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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