It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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