Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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