I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You were trust falling into bushes
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize