Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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