buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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