I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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