More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
