Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
