I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
