and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
