At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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