So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
