you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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