okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
