there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
