we're chasing vodka with high fives
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
