Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
