Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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