gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We're too hungover to prance.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
