The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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