we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Duck Duck Cougar?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
