i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
