So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
