So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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